Tell Me What it's Like
by KissTheBoy7
Summary: NYTW!verse. Mark may have an ulterior motive when he asks Maureen what it's like to be a lesbian, and it doesn't take her very long to catch on. Implied Marker, mentions of MoJo and past Markeen. Whiny!Mark. Oneshot.


**A/N: Listening to the NYTW version of RENT gives me SO many feels… Especially Marker feels. Especially fag!Mark feels. XD (This is possibly the only fandom in which people understand that I use the term faggot endearingly. Really guys. It's only offensive if you let it be. WORD POWER.) Anyways! "You'll Get Over It" is always giving me ideas so this is one of them. I really hope you enjoy!**

Disclaimer: _Even this considerably coarser version of RENT doesn't belong to me… How depressing. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME._

**Tell Me What it's Like**

"Tell me what it's like," Mark demands for the thirtieth time, following Maureen persistently like some kind of lost puppy. God, but it's sickening how attached to her she is. Maybe she should have thought it through when she decided to fuck him in the first place… He'd always had that sort of doe-eyed look about him, like some innocent little baby who needed some experience under his belt, and despite all of the sex that went into their relationship he hadn't lost it.

Where was Joanne when she needed her?

"_No_," she emphasized, annoyance making her chest tight as she forced herself to ignore him. This, of course, was not a new response and it did nothing but make him renew his efforts.

Oh, right. The cable… She'd sent her back for the cable. Fuck.

Worst decision of her life.

"Maureen!" She'd never wanted to strangle him more. This was getting ridiculous. "Stop avoiding me. I just want to _know_-"

"What? _WHAT_ do you want to know, Mark?" There was that inevitable explosion. He looked shell-shocked, glasses slipping down his nose as he backed away, and guilt instantly forced her to mumble as she rubbed her temples, "Get lost already. We're over."

"I know we're over. I'm not stupid. That's not the point of the question-"

"Then what _is _the point of the question, Mark?" she sighed, patience running thin again already. One outburst apparently wasn't enough anymore, either to get rid of him or to calm her own frayed nerves. She had a protest to coordinate and _no one_ seemed to be able to remember that.

It wasn't that she still sorta kinda didn't love Mark… he was just an annoying little bitch when he wanted to be.

Come to think of it, she wasn't sure that was the goal of his little question-and-answer fit, but as far as she was concerned that was the only thing it was accomplishing.

"I-" Dumbfounded, he snapped his mouth shut and for a moment Maureen thought gleefully that she had struck gold. Unfortunately, it was back open a moment later, issuing a defensive tone if she'd ever heard one. "I want to know what it's like. Being with a woman."

"Well last I checked, _I_ was a woman… And you certainly had your dick up me enough times." She smirked at his expression, patting his cheek condescendingly before closing her eyes and beginning to go over her script again in her head, absently continuing, "So you don't need me to tell you."

"No. I mean- I mean for a girl. And another girl." Mark's pale face was a mottled reddish color and Maureen had to restrain her laughter.

"Are you an aspiring lesbian, Marky?" she simpered. He scowled, pushing his glasses nervously up his nose- a habit that she'd first noticed way back when they'd first started dating. (if you could even call it that.) A wicked grin spread across her face as the thought occurred to her. "You've got something to hide. Spill it, Cohen."

"Shut up." Grumbling, he ducked his head and shifted his feet, the picture of guilt.

Was that shade of red even _real?_

Having stopped to admire the sheer awkwardness of the scrawny, blushing man before her for quite long enough she rolled her eyes and tousled his baby-soft hair again. "I'll shut up if you do, how about that? Go play with your camera. I have to rehearse."

"What is there to rehearse? It's just a ridiculous mess like the last one-"

Her eyes flashed dangerously, darkly meeting his frustrated blue ones. "You can talk when you finish that movie of yours," she said mock-sweetly, relishing his flinch.

It took less than a minute for him to back down, looking to the ground between his feet again. "Alright. Fine. I'm sorry. Can- Can you just answer my question? Then I'll leave you alone. I promise."

Maybe it was the sincerity of his tone, or the desperation just below the surface, or maybe Maureen was secretly just as much of a sucker for her ex as he was for her but she bit her lip, relenting. "… It's the same as being with anybody else. The only difference is the penis. Or lack of."

That should have earned a smile, but Mark still looked strangely torn. Twisting gloved hands together, he flicked his eyes anxiously around the lot and then back to her face, shoulders hunched protectively like he expected to be hit any moment. She almost felt bad for him before she remembered to be curious. "D-do you- is it, different? I mean… Is it the same as being with a guy?"

"You mean is the sex good?" Arching an eyebrow, a devilish smile worked its way onto her pouty lips. She leaned in to purr in his ear, "It's _marvelous_."

Looking distinctly uncomfortable he jerked away and she preened. _I've still got his dick wrapped around my little finger._ It was consoling, because at least- as horrible as it sounded- she had someone to fall back on if Joanne flaked out on her the way she seemed like she might as of late.

Much as she was loathe to admit it, Maureen couldn't stand being alone.

But for once, she didn't catch Mark's eyes straying to the cleavage exposed by the low neckline of her shirt. Instead, he got an excited, agitated look about him, shifting from foot to foot slightly faster. "Really?" He sounded almost desperate.

"No, I'm lying," she deadpanned, rolling her eyes. "YES, Mark, sleeping with the same sex is just as good as sleeping with the opposite- WAIT."

His eyes widened like that of a helpless child, backing rapidly away from her as he heard the familiar tone in her voice. It could only mean trouble to come… She smirked, nearly feral, and advanced on him pointing a finger. "_I _know what this is about."

"What? It's- it's not about anything, Maureen, come off of it," he stammered, breath coming in shallow pants as the panic set in. Shit shit shit…

Tilting her head, she looked straight into his eyes and sing-songed, "Marky and Roger, sitting in a tree-"

Instantly his face flamed to life, brilliantly crimson. "_Stop_, Maureen. I don't- Just shut up."

Now THAT was a defensive tone.

Knowing that she had him right where she wanted him, Maureen continued sidling closer until his back hit the nearest wall, cornering him. She leaned in close, eyes glinting with amusement. "It's not like I'm going to hold it against you, Marky. Go ahead, sleep with him as many times as you want. It's about time you two fucked-"

"I'm _not _going to fuck Roger-"

"But you want to," she interjected, throwing her head back and laughing at the expression that came over his face then. "Relax. No one is going to care."

Uncertainty flashed across his face before he could mask it. Maureen did her best not to feel bad for her poor sexually confused ex. To be perfectly honest, Maureen could have seen this coming a mile away- the very first time she'd stepped foot in the loft she had front row seats to one of the most sexually charged wrestling matches over a shower that she'd ever seen. It was about time that Mark stuck his neck out and got himself laid.

"Please. Roger is disgusting. I wouldn't- even if I _was-_" His face twisted, unable to find the right words, and she couldn't help giggling behind her hand.

"If you can't even say it, I know it's a lie," she pointed out. The filmmaker scowled.

"Oh, fuck you. You know what? I don't even care. I got my answer."

With that he turned on his heel and marched right out of the lot, face burning like a beacon. Maureen smiled.

"Hey! Don't forget! I want all of the hairy details!" she shouted after him, laughing harder as he returned her comment with a middle finger raised high enough for everyone to see.

Really, this all worked out in her favor. Mark would stop pining after her, Joanne would stop nagging her about it, and Roger- well, even though she wasn't all that fond of him she still wished him the best in the penis department. Everyone deserved some holiday cheer in their bed, and incidentally she happened to know exactly how Mark liked it in bed. She ought to call, actually, and give Roger some pointers before they got it on…

After all, it was Christmas. Time to spread a little goodwill.

Closing her eyes, she sighed and waved that thought away. Time to get back to work.

_Last night I had this dream, last night I had this dream…_


End file.
